Essay 1: Happiness Essay
Framing Statement:
One area that I feel was one of my strengths in writing this essay was my organization. I always made sure that I used barclays formula for my quotes and I used templates from They Say, I Say in order to make my essay run smoothly. Organization was an area that I would check and recheck since it has never been a strong suit of mine in the past. Another area that I feel was a strength was my student ideas. I feel that I was able to get what I needed out of each of the readings and was able to connect it to my own life experiences. Last, I feel that I was strong with using the text and was able to pull out the right quotes I needed from each. The one part that I feel I could improve upon from next time is the approaching writing in a recursive process. I feel that, especially when I went to look at other peers’ work, I was able to give solid comments but I did not show them examples of what they can do in a certain section instead as much as I should have. In high school, my teachers did not tell us to do this as most of our comments on essays would be more local rather than global. I am hoping when it comes to the next writing assignment, I am able to give the comments that people need inorder to help them improve their writing even more so.
Essay 2: Technology Essay
Framing Statement
For this essay, I feel that the revisions that I made for my final draft came a long way from where I started from my first draft. For my first draft, I just laid out all my ideas, only putting in a few quotes and was very wordy. Through the first peer review session, one example of a helpful tip I got was being told to add in more quotes to back up my statements. I thought this was very helpful to know because when looking at it myself, I knew what my explanation meant but I could see through the eyes of my peers, they needed more evidence. After adding in more quotes, I could already see vast improvement from the first essay. Another helpful tip I got was to cut back on the amount of words I was using in my essay. Reading through it, I had an excessive amount of writing that was repetitive. Through peers suggestions and through reading through it again, I was able to cut out many of the sentences where I had seen a sentence just like it beforehand.
When it comes to my ideas in general, I feel that I was able to connect my ideas with all the different authors because we all had similar views. Each author showed how technology can make us unhappy in a variety of different ways. I wanted to show how people are less empathetic which was the focal point in Turkle’s text. I wanted to support her views with statistics on depression, which were showcased in Twenge’s articles. I even wanted to exhibit real life examples of people who have had their relationships affected by technology which were seen through Richtel’s article and examples of how people can make relationships stronger, which were seen through Waldiger’s TedTalk. I was even able to highlight their ideas with experiences of my own which helped me support my argument.
Essay 3: Conversation Essay
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